(Re-invent the Past)
The very first moment I met with your blonde eyes
It seemed I was floating along with the skies.
You had this impeccable fair skin;
Radiant as the redness of a diving comet
and your lips were so soft as fluffy wool.
You were quite stubborn though,
Even your heart needed two years to grow
Into having I rooted around your arms-
It was on this chilly eve in Akure, Ondo.
Upon a roughly carved stool made of stone,
What a place for a first kiss.
You thought me the insanity found in love;
The roof tops to view the little world around us,
The moments you pressed your face upon my chest
Just to have my aroma dwell with you.
I can’t tell how but you could perceive me from a distance.
We went and did virtually everything together
My friend, confidant and all that words can’t dictate
You shared your pain, as I did mine;
Shared our goals, fears and future;
Made a clown of everyone we felt needed to be a clown;
We called it Jonzing.
I recall when we both forgot our conversations
Of just a few seconds behind and it was so damned funny.
We tickled ourselves for hours and gasped for breath afterwards.
There was this note pad you got me on the 9th of July 2013
In it, on the very first page, you began by saying:
“I know you write better than I do, I know a note pad
Isn’t the best of gifts compared to a shirt or a Rolex, but my heart is and I love you
With all of it.”
Those words are buried in my memory.
I still do have your diary, that of your first year in high school;
Your innocence was glaring, both then and now.
I believe it sprung from some noble lineage
We cared less about age
And your Ben 10 towel always made me laugh.
We were perfect!
Where are those moments for heaven’s sake?
You told me never to have my eggs in one basket
But I kept all in your pocket.
Things got pretty rough; I got drowned with work,
We spoke less and saw less,
I could feel me going paranoid, void and devoid of joy
I felt I had to leave to save myself from getting hurt again
But I got even more bruised by so doing.
I regret the break up text I sent; 4:28am, 27th December 2014
The dawn of your birthday;
I felt you were quite rude, stubborn and unyielding
I felt it was a taboo for you to say these words; “I’m sorry”
I felt I was losing you.
I felt numb from toes to my C.N.S.
I know I can’t justify my act,
I know how hard it would be to be forgiven
I know you will never pick my calls or reply
I really don’t know how I would go to church on Thursdays
because we always did go together,
sat on the same seat like it had our name tatted on it.
Living without you has been tough for me,
But what can I say? I have lost everything
My friends are gone, they all had me betrayed
Gave my mother the highest of all blood pressures
Everyone thought of me as arrogant and unstable.
All I have left is I, this pen and your memory.
I wish we could have a second chance
I wish I could re-invent the past
most of all I wish you could let me in.
I have my fate sealed for whatever should occur
Thank you for all you taught me and for being there
When nothing was all I had,
You gave me hope and made me glad
I would always love you…..always
Chidera Nnaeto Esq.